‪#‎NoRoadHouseRemake‬

Let’s make it trend!

This Scene CANNOT be Improved Upon!

Why would anyone want to try?

A Road House Remake?! THIS CANNOT STAND!

Road House is one of the most technically flawless pieces of cinema ever put to film. If those jack weeds in Hollywood remake it, I’m personally going to take pitchfork in hand and march on Hollywood and skewer somebody! Have they no shame? Have they no sense of tradition, honor and decency?

When I mount my populist campaign for President, plank number one is going to be to make it a capital offense to remake ANY Patrick Swayze film (except Ghost and Dirty Dancing which we would all rather forget), and this law will be effective retroactively. That’s right Red Dawn and Point Break desecrators, that means you. Screw that whole no ex post facto laws in the Constitution thing. Some wrongs are just too serious to be ignored.

#NoRoadHouseRemake Let’s make it trend!

Quick! Someone Call Rand’s Campaign!

And tell them that if they want any share of the good ol’ boy vote, they SHOULD NOT brag about Rand’s soccer skills.

https://www.ijreview.com/2015/08/396452-rand-paul-is-actually-pretty-good-at-soccer-says-he-could-score-on-chris-christie/

Has My Defense of The Donald Come to an End?

Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump gestures at a news conference near the U.S.- Mexico border outside of Laredo, Texas July 23, 2015. REUTERS/Rick Wilking

Look, so far I’ve defended Donald Trump against his critics, but every man has a line he just won’t cross. After this, I may have to part ways with the Trumpster. I just can’t bring myself to defend this atrocity. Donald Trump is worth 10 billion dollars, but he can’t bring himself to invest in a decent looking six panel hat? This abomination has “I’m headed to play shuffle board” all over it. SMH

Surprisingly, the geriatric set is apparently snapping them up.

Rest in Peace, Miller High Life Delivery Guy

This is very sad news. I loved this guy. In memoriam:

If Hollywood Was in Maine … err … I Mean Kentucky

I’m not crazy about the military boosterism, but other than that it’s right on. Especially the call for everyone to lighten up.

Hawthorne, I hope you realize I’m just ribbing you. A little regional jousting is good for the character of the nation as a whole.

What is Wrong With Denis Leary?

What does he have against the 1967 Cadillac Eldorado?! Is he blind? That is one sweet car!

This Cold Snap Has Me Very Concerned

This severe cold weather really has me worried. I’m a afraid a bunch of Yankees are going to get sick of all the cold and snow and decide to move South. The last thing we need is a bunch of Yankee Blues coming down here and turning our Red States purple. So Northerners, just remember it’s REALLY HOT and HUMID down here in the Summer. There are a lot of gnats and mosquitoes. We talk funny. We have strange ways. I really don’t think you would like it down here at all, so I advise you sit out the cold weather and stay put. Come Summer, you won’t regret it.

Hawthorne is Right – Therefore I Propose a Maine Anthem

Hawthorne is right. It’s wrong of me to equate all these country Southern/Red State anthems with paleoism. So in order to make it up to him, I am trying to come up with an anthem for the state of Maine. I’m just getting started. Maybe y’all you guys can help me with the rest of the lyrics and getting the rhyming down.

We live in the sticks
We like to hunt and fish
We wear L. L. Bean
We look like lumberjacks
And yet we still vote Blue
We’re one of the last white states left that do
Because we don’t go to church
And we have Yankee blood coursing through our veins

It’s a start at the first verse. What do you think so far?